Something seems very off.....

I moved to Kansas City this past week. In doing so I left the place I called "home" for the past 3 years and many of the closest friends I've ever had. It's weird because the whole reason for moving was to find a job. You graduate college and then find a job, that's what you do or so I've been told, that's why I was supposed to be in college I guess. But funny enough, all of the good times and learning experiences I had in those 4 years were almost completely separate from my classes and majors. And now I've come to the end of that season and have to adjust to a new environment, almost solely because I'm no longer a student and have to get a "real" job. Frustratingly, I've come up empty in the past month-plus of searching.

My last post was made over two months ago and sadly most of what is in it is still true. It's crazy, over the past few days I've thought about this whole situation of moving and job searching and you know what? It sucks. Searching for a job when you don't know what you're looking for is not a good course of action. Majoring in areas that don't really interest you is a bad idea. Daily I'm faced with the very real possibility that I will have to settle for something I don't enjoy. I know the immediate reaction is to ask where God is in all of this. How has He been guiding me or what has He been revealing to me. I don't have an answer. Something really seems off because after consistent reflection and thought I am still virtually clueless. That shouldn't happen but yet here I am.

Now I'm sitting in a new "home" with no job and very little idea of what I actually want to do, asking myself questions that have plagued my life for over 4 years. However, the difference now is I can't put them off any longer. I used to think I would just work on two broad degrees and experience college and in that process discover opportunities or find out what interests me. Well, that never really happened. And now I can't just store these questions up and hope that some revelation happens. Nope, they have to be faced and at the moment I've got nothing, which is not good when decisions have to be made.

Questions I have no answers for.

I just finished watching Into the Wild. I highly recommend it. Very good movie about a guy fresh off college graduation wondering what is next but not excited about the status quo. I can relate to this.

I started this blog over a month ago and this is my first real post. The title alone gives the idea that my life is undergoing a big change in some way. Well, in a month I'll be in much the situation this guy found himself in, college degree in hand and no idea about the next step. Now I don't see a cross country trip in my future or many of the other things he encounters but I do see a decision about where the next chapter of my life will be written. The what, where, when, and how all unclear at this point. I have a battle going on inside between the thought of transitioning right into the business world, with its cubicles, 9-5 days, and whatnot and another thought, much less defined, I really can't even put it into words, but the best description would be.......definitely not the first thought.

I'm finishing up two college degrees. That sounds great and ambitious, the only problem is the subjects themselves don't really motivate me. For the last year, almost every first encounter with someone has included questions about these things. What are you studying? What's your major? Oh, you're graduating, what are you going to do then? Answer to this one: not sure yet, trying to figure it out. Ok, well, what do you want to do? Answer to this one: awkward pause.......same answer.

I'm 22 years old. I don't have the answers to those questions. What should one do with a college education he does not desire to directly use? What jobs do you even search out? What type of jobs or goals do you even tell someone you're looking for?

I have a love/hate relationships with all of this. The vast amount of possibilities is invigorating, yet, also one of the scariest things I've ever experienced. Maybe I'll be found in a 9-5 cubicle in a few months or maybe I'll truly find what I want to do.

All of this is hard to write out. I have no answers and only few certainties with which to structure my words. But this is where my life is at currently and one of those certainties is that I'm about to face a world in many ways unlike the life I'm living this moment. And while that is scary, maybe it is the exact setting needed for the next chapter.

The post one month in the making.

I created this blog about one month ago and finally today, I "publish" my first post. That's all I've got for today.